This holiday season, political tension might be high. Here are some ways to reduce it.

Not sure if you should bring up politics with someone you just met? You’re not alone. According to a 2020 report from the Pew Research Center, almost half of Americans have stopped talking politics with others. Some people avoid the subject altogether because they don’t feel comfortable expressing their opinions or fear encountering views that oppose their own. The outcome of the 2024 presidential election, in which Donald Trump defeated Kamala Harris by a relatively small margin of the popular vote, has led some to believe that America is evenly divided by political views. 

How as a society can we start having respectful political discourse again? As we approach the holiday season in a polarized world, families are reuniting at the dinner table for what could be a tense conversation about current events. Whether you’re eager to talk politics at the dinner table or the thought of political discussions scares you away, respectful discussion skills are key to civil discourse. Here are six tips on how to voice your opinion safely and respectfully — while engaging in productive dialogue.

Understand what’s personal and what isn’t

“Politics has become far more personal today, and people identify with their political party or the politician,” said Loyola University Chicago debate coach David Romanelli. “They see it as themselves, so when you disagree with them, a lot of people are going to take it personally or see it as a personal attack.”

With 27 years of debate experience, Romanelli understands the dynamics that fire up emotions in political discussions. Try to recognize that another person’s opinion does not directly attack you—even if it may feel that way. Instead, regard divergent opinions as a new perspective to consider. Many people think about politics from a self-centered perspective, so using empathy as you acknowledge that every person has opinions will loosen the tension surrounding politics. 

Avoiding name-calling, personal disses, or rude behavior during a political discussion is also imperative. It can be easy to get off track when an opinion irritates you, but focus on why the perspective irritates you—not the person suggesting it. Having divergent views doesn’t make anybody a bad person. Keep your views at the center of your discussion and remember it’s not personal to have a differing opinion than someone else.  

Remember your end goal

Are you trying to change someone’s mind, or simply engage in a civil discussion? It’s all in how you express your thoughts. If you frame the conversation from a place of hatred and attacks, your conversation likely won’t be productive. Suggest a different perspective instead of launching a counterattack at the other person. Use phrases like, “Have you considered…” or “I see it from the perspective of…” Discuss—don’t debate.

“Make it seem like it's a dialogue that you're willing to participate in,” Romanelli said. “It’s not about getting them to change their mind in one discussion.”

Change doesn’t happen immediately—and sometimes, it’s not linear either. It takes time for people to process new ideas, let alone agree with them. If your goal is to change someone’s mind, be patient with that person and give them time to adapt to your suggestions. Some people’s minds still won’t change, and that’s okay, too. Don’t get discouraged by it or view it as a failure. Even if you didn’t change someone’s stance on a topic, you still exposed them to a new perspective; that is something to be proud of. 

Practice active listening

Common ground may seem difficult to find at first, but listening carefully to each other makes it easier to reach. Listening involves more than your ears—it also involves your eyes and mind. Active listening is not waiting for the other person to finish talking so you can jump in as soon as they finish. Instead, focus on the points the other person is making and take time to process and understand them. If you don’t understand their point, ask clarifying questions until you are both on the same page. 

Listening is key to having a respectful civil discourse. While it may seem easy to talk over another person, giving them time to express a complete thought is important. As a virtue of respect, reciprocate the attention the other participant gives you during your discussion. Listening to new ideas is important to get a deeper understanding of the issue at hand. Doing so will deepen the respect you should have toward others when discussing difficult political topics. 

If you need to correct someone else’s statement because it’s incorrect, don’t interrupt them. Wait for the other person to complete their statement, and modify it respectfully. In this setting, your word choice is crucial. Choose kind language; not fighting words. 

“The way you talk is acknowledging the humanity of the other person, that they have beliefs, opinions, ideas, and you have to listen and let them express them to find those areas of commonality,” Romanelli said.

Define, define, define

Definitions are an important part of political discussions as several words are not easily defined. If you can’t agree on the definition of a word you’re discussing, pause and define it so you and everyone involved are on the same page. For example, if you discuss freedom, and you disagree on the definition of freedom, it won't be easy to come to a resolution because you’re not referencing the same concepts. 

Dr. Brian Endless, professor of Political Science at Loyola Chicago, understands the consequences of failing to define terms during debates. As the founder of the Come Together Project (CTP), his goal is to encourage productive discourse about hard topics. 

“I was debating with a person for hours before we realized we defined the word ‘capitalism’ differently,” Endless said. “After we defined it, we realized we actually had a lot in common.” 

Defining words is a moment to find some common ground with a person you disagree with. Being clear about your definitions of words and concepts will make it easier to address areas of contention because you give your opponent a chance to clarify their point of view. You might ask questions like, “What do you mean by that?” or “What does [blank] mean to you?” Not only will this save you time, but you might find that you agree on a lot more than you thought.  

Have an open mind

Having an open mind can be easier said than done if you have trouble processing new ideas. If you have a broader worldview, it’ll be easier to accept the different perspectives that people have to offer.  

“Sometimes it's over time where people make space for you and your idea, and we might need to make space for theirs,” Romanelli said. “Be open to the fact that you could be wrong or there could be something better about your idea.”

You might have heard the phrase, “critical thinking,” thrown around in academic or social settings, and this phrase applies to civil discourse also. Think critically about your own ideas. If you invite challenges to your perspective, it might even strengthen your own arguments. Go into a discussion inviting critiques, and don’t assume you know everything. It’s okay to question what you already believe—and you may even learn something new.   

Take a break when you need to

“People are so tense right now,” Romanelli said. The anxious political climate in which many Americans live has caused rifts in relationships, splitting families apart during the holidays. Sophomore Ines Santos, originally from Belleville, Illinois, experienced this conflict within her family.

“My family is coming up to Chicago rather than staying in Belleville because they don’t want to spend Thanksgiving with the part of my family that voted for Trump,” Santos said. “That interaction is definitely being avoided this holiday season.”  

Belleville is one of the only blue counties in Southern Illinois, making it common for there to be stark differences in political beliefs in the area. Like many other Americans, Santos’ family viewed a space of big political difference negatively. 

According to a 2023 report from the Pew Research Center, about 8 in 10 Americans associate U.S. politics with negative concepts when asked to describe it. For many, avoiding the subject altogether seems like a quick and easy solution to the problem. Debate coach Romanelli warns that this response could lead to even bigger problems down the road. 

“If we want to achieve change at all, we have to find some way to talk,” Romanelli said. “When you operate out of certainty, there's no room for discussion.” 

Knowing where your energy is best spent can help reduce the stress surrounding hard topics. If you find that your dialogue isn’t productive, it’s okay to leave the discussion.

“The key is getting smarter, coming to a better understanding, and figuring out a better solution,” Romanelli said. 

Despite the anxiety-inducing stigma around politics this holiday season, there is hope. The next time you encounter a political discussion, don’t be afraid — you are a human who deserves to speak your mind safely just like everyone else. Always Be Mindful of your impact, Be Purposeful in what you do, and Be Positive in what you say.

Best,

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